PTSD and PLATFORM: Is KINDLE VELLA in Vain?

When I first learned about Kindle Vella―Amazon’s Brand New Serialized Fiction Platform (Think Wattpad or Radish)―my heart nearly lurched beyond my ribcage. Like many other serial platforms, Vella would offer authors a paid opportunity in releasing episodes for reader consumption similar to a television series experience―but in book form.

Considering I have written over thirty-five books in twelve years, many of which are unpublished and simply requiring a little polishing, I went into hyperdrive to edit while writing new works. Yes, my old work is close to my heart, but I wanted to debut more queer affirming fantasy which emphasizes where I’m at in my author and identity journey now. Since I work well under pressure and produce a quick turnaround for my chapters, I knew this could be the platform for my work to take off and for me to build a readership!

Ever since the announcement, I’ve essentially worked a full-time job to prepare my books for Vella. Too good an opportunity to pass up when the overall market is so over-saturated, I longed to get in on the ground floor of Vella. Especially when Vella is exclusively for brand NEW works―never published.

A cancer diagnosis and emergency cancer surgery for my husband was definitely not expected. Nor was my PTSD diagnosis. So, Vella preparations were a struggle amidst all the stress. But Kevin shares my author goals, and this seed work is very much like starting a business. Goals we’ve worked toward all throughout our marriage.

So, what is this process like? What is Vella all about? And is it worth it?

COMPETITION is CRAZY:

It was clear Vella was going to be a big deal when I discovered authors duking it out over book covers at auctions and graphic designers offering discounts on premade covers. I happened to get an excellent designer for all my emerging works, especially two beautiful covers for my fantasy books: Bride of the Corpse King and Daughter of Frost and Echoes

Learning how this is Amazon’s third attempt at a serialized platform, which means they’ve learned from their past mistakes and are truly launching this experience, was another clue.

As the news about the platform gained more momentum, other author friends planning Vella shared how some of the bigger-name indie authors were also jumping on board. Ones with already-established bases.

Cue the lightning bolt of fear in my chest! And my Enneagram 8 Challenger hyperdrive mode. I wrote 70,000 words in one month while editing one book and editing half a 100k word book. That’s really not a lot for me to be honest. But my husband was undergoing cancer surgery, and we have two little girls.

And all us authors collectively held our breaths waiting for the announcement about Vella’s soft launch. All we knew was a vague ETA sometime mid-late July.

On Tuesday, July 13th, Amazon soft-launched Vella. Honestly, I was surprised as I expected a date closer to the end of July. Or potentially even closer to the fall. Time to scramble!

MARKETING is MURDER:

The process of uploading episodes was relatively painless. Authors had time in advance to create our book pages, write our summary blurbs, upload our covers, and promote our up-and-coming works on our social media pages.

As I have shared in one of my other blog posts, marketing is potentially the most soul-sucking part of the process for an author. How the act of reading a whole BOOK requires far more investment than any other form of art. Therefore, it is so difficult to gain readers.

For us indie authors with small platforms who mostly survive off word of mouth, our marketing often ends up like tiny droplets in a pond that do not, unfortunately, create lingering ripples, much less waves.

As this is a soft launch, Vella has not been opened wide to readers yet. And is only available in the USA. There is no app. There is little to no visibility. We are surviving off grassroots efforts, and as stated above, the big-time indie authors with established platforms have an edge.

On the Vella homepage, you have featured stories, trending stories, and “Top Faved” stories. Top Faved grants authors the icon of a “Crown”. Some featured serials have crowns and hundreds of likes. Others have no crowns and few likes. There’s no true pattern to the system yet. And we are all truly learning as we go.

I joined a dozen or so Vella groups. I connected with other authors and followed their stories and gave them thumbs-ups. I created my own Vella Verse group on FB. I sent out private messages. I made marketing art teasers. I  joined TikTok! I chose clips for a book trailer that Kevin put together. He worked on my website. And is still formatting one of my other books, Roseblood―my vampire paranormal romance available on Amazon. I also have a Rafflecopter Prize Giveaway package including the chance to win a $50 Amazon gift card, original art, signed paperback, and swag.

All the while working a full-time job and slowly recovering from emergency cancer surgery while we raise our two little girls.

QUICK NOTE:

The Vella system operates with tokens/coins.

You begin with 200 FREE tokens. Plus, the first three episodes of every serial book are absolutely FREE. Getting to the “Top 250 Faved” slot means more than getting likes. It means having people invest in your episodes beyond the 200 FREE tokens. Tokens can be purchased through your Amazon account for as low as $1.99. That’s CHEAPER than your morning coffee! Once you unlock an episode with your newly purchased tokens, you will have the option to “Select your Favorite Book” via a prompted pop-up.

It seems more complicated than it is…

PTSD is a PAIN:

Those last “it seems more complicated…” were what I shared with all my current readers―a very small community―as I walked them through the instructions, which I learned as I went along.

Seeing established authors rocket to the top due to their bases, seeing randomized books featured on the main page, getting little interest at the beginning from my Vella Verse posts/tweets/IG posts/FB ad/and TikTok videos was honestly a deep battle for me.

Most authors struggle with vulnerability and sharing their work. I, however, am the opposite. Due to my background as an abuse survivor and a cult survivor with my voice smothered or silenced, with physical/emotional/psychological restraint of my voice, I retreated deep and dissociated all throughout my life into the world of my books. My characters became my found family in a very real way.

I never lost my writing gift which manifested at an early age. I honed my craft for years. I got my degree in Creative Writing.

For years, I worked to get published. I wrote countless books. Still very naïve about the process, I queried widely with understandably no success. Winning a pitch contest and working with a former Simon and Schuster editor helped me the most. My time with an agent also aided my knowledge and experience but inevitably left me burned and lacking any book deal. That was a dark time.

In 2020, I came out as bisexual after discovering my true author voice of survivor-hood, of strong feminism, of dark humor, of paranormal fantasy, deeply spiritual romance with steamy scenes, trauma-overcoming themes, and queer characters. After thirty-seven books where my true identity was screaming to be let out, after this incredible identity journey where it felt like fleeing a dark tunnel of suppression, I want to raise my voice more than ever. I want to shine my light, to empower, to inspire, to build others up, especially trauma survivors or queer community members like me.

Any emotions of feeling smothered, of not feeling seen, of being cast into shadows triggers my past physical and psychological PTSD. This, in turn, launched me into hyper-hyperdrive.

VULNERABLE MOMENT: PTSD-major triggered.

Last week during the soft launch of Vella, I was on my devices for a whopping average of seven hours and twenty-three minutes a day! For five days straight, I ate little to nothing. I drank perhaps a couple mugs of tea a day. I slept for maybe a few hours at night. I spiraled into deep depression. And survived off adrenaline, hormones, and fumes. I came close to the edge with self-harm and other negative coping mechanisms. Shortly before the launch, we even had a covid scare with me sick with a nasty fever and other similar covid symptoms. Thankfully, it was the flu.

All this with my husband recovering from cancer surgery and still managing to get my girls to summer camp and “somewhat” managing a house and pets.

FRIENDS are FABULOUS:

At the end of the first week of Vella’s soft launch, I owed so much to all my friends. Despite me busting my ass and all my PTSD-triggered obsessive and negative behavior, my small circle of friends and new supportive readers are what got me through the launch.

And how I made it to the “Top Eleven” for the highest point and “Top of the Fantasy” category. See below.

In the screenshot below, I am currently at thirteen as I’m writing this. But Isla, my Queen of the Underworld, can easily lose her crown. I depend on friends to “Top Fav” my book once a week for her to keep her royal status! Those who do get SWAG freebies because I love to treat my loyal readership.

I also owe a good deal to my therapist who is also fabulous and has begun trauma training with me to help me manage my PTSD.

CONCLUSION:

Is it worth it?

In reality, this is a lengthy process. Establishing a readership, getting in on the ground floor of a serialized platform is much like running a marathon. Authors have to be committed and consistent.

And understandably, especially with all the glitches, the issues with the categories and keywords, the lack of visibility, the overall stress, the snap soft launch, the crazy competition with the big names, some have wanted to give up. It requires a lot for us to put ourselves out there and share our work.

For my part, I’m not in this for the money. Yes, it helps. But this is my gift and calling, a way for me to heal and reclaim from my past, and work to inspire and empower others as shared above.

And I absolutely do not recommend going in as hardcore as I did.  Pace yourself. Give yourself permission to breathe. Use my first-week methods as an example of what NOT to do. While I may approach my publishing journey as a marathon, I woefully have these times of mad dash sprints where I nearly kill myself. My husband is still wagging his finger, but he also drags me out of my “Author Pit of Desolation”. Yes, we have a name for it.

With all my other books waiting in the wings and covers already paid for, I am in this for the long haul. I am cautious but hopeful. I’ve had so many failures and rejections over the past decade, it’s truly difficult for me to get my hopes up anymore.

Sustainability matters most.

So…is it worth it? While connecting with other authors and supporting them and gaining any new readers is always wonderful, to be honest…ask me again in six months.

And I hope you will take the time to check out my Rafflecopter Prize Giveaway for Vella, thumbs up my work, and of course…“TOP FAV”!