Recently, I listened to a podcast on MyFaith Radio, the topic of which was Cultivating A Healthy Life as a Single.
The speakers were Focus on the Family president – Jim Daly, Dr. Tony Evans, and director of young adults at Focus – Lisa Anderson, a single woman. The topic stemmed from Dr. Tony Evans book: Kingdom Single, which, full disclosure, I have not read. Below is not a critique of his book as a whole, only its philosophy he conveyed during the podcast.
Evans dedicated his book to his wife’s two sisters, both single, one over sixty and one over seventy. He adds that they are “virgins, and how is that possible? They have a love affair with the Lord Jesus Christ…” He goes onto say they are “looking forward to the day when they get to present themselves to the Lord as pure virgins and receive the reward for their faithfulness.”
Oh, goodness. This is Christian purity culture at its worst. Here, Evans places virginity on a holiness pedestal, and thus implies deploration on those who have committed sexual sin to be forever stained. He might as well say, “Great, you repented of spreading your legs. It still happened. You’ll never be that virgin bride again.”
Now, yes, good for these women! They have abstained from extra-marital sex all their life. God will reward that faithfulness. Just as he rewards the faithfulness of the woman who repented of an affair and never committed adultery again. Just as he rewards the faithfulness of the man who walked away from pornography. Just as he rewards the faithfulness of any sinner who clung to God’s grace instead of his sin.
But God would not reward these virgins’ faithfulness without redeeming them with his grace first. Because, yes, they were tempted and relied on God instead of their flesh. But they are far from sinless. Because none of us is. We all rely on God’s grace, not our willpower over our sexual urges.
Also, as with most conservative Christian “purity” talks, this one did not address the survivors of abuse–––those whose “purity” was stolen from them.
But, my greatest concern surfaced when Jim Daly asked Dr. Evans the following question:
“Describe for me that difference with gender that may be more easily done for a woman than maybe a single man. How do you recommend for single men to be able to manage those physical impulses?”
What is wrong with this question? Where do I begin?
First, Daly simply shoves women’s struggles with sexual temptation aside. Women apparently don’t lust or are tempted by men who are not our husbands or struggle with pornography or deal with addiction to erotica.
Second, the tone of the podcast episode went from this rigid, serious application for women to an immediate chuckling, jocular tone.
Evans answers Daly’s question about how men should deal with their sexual impulses by describing a “kingdom man,” who is operating under the rule of God in his life. Now, Dr. Evans could have provided a ton of different examples, either positive or negative to learn from. He could have provided Joseph, who actually resisted sexual temptation over and over again. He could have mentioned David who made solidly sinful choices by giving into his sexual desires and committing an atrocity against God, Bathseba, and her husband. He could have used Judah and Tamar, Samson and Delilah, Boaz and Ruth, or a host of others. But no, who did he use?
Adam.
Here is the direct quote: “Adam was a man. What kept him in control was that he was fully operating in naming things. What naming is to exercise authority in the Bible. When a man can be manish in his realm and express that energy in other positive ways under the rule of God, he can manage his libido in a responsible way and not leave a bunch of bruised women in the wake of satisfying their sexual urges to the one they are ultimately responsible while fulfilling their naming agenda that God gives to them.”
This is the third problem with his answer: Adam is this perhaps the weakest example Evans could have used.
Why? Adam did not have any issues controlling his libido because there was no such thing as sin. One can argue even pure sexual desire hadn’t even entered the world because God hadn’t even created Eve! God did not give Adam “busywork” so Adam could manage his libido. God was seeking to create a worthy partner for Adam. “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him’” (Genesis 2:18). Immediately following this is the creation of the animals. Imagine all the painstakingness that went into this. And guess what? “The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:20). Where in this text can Evans find any reference to libido, sexual desire, or that God was trying to keep Adam busy?
Ok, so, sure, Evans has shoddy theology and apparently selective knowledge of the Bible. Ignorant, yes. Damaging?
Here’s where the uncontrolled tongue of fire meets the exposed skin of the Church. Perhaps one of the saddest parts of this discussion was when Jim Daly, current President of Focus on the Family replied, “That is powerful and well said. There’s a bit of humor in there because I’m thinking that that was the point where God decided Adam needed a woman.” Dr. Evans, “well, it was the point…” Both of them go onto joke and laugh about this.
Lisa, the single woman in the interview, who works as Focus on the Family’s Director of Young Adults was silent. Maybe because Evans and Daly had just implied that God made women to satisfy men’s otherwise rampant sexual desire. (Later, having watched the podcast vs listening to it, I learned she laughed as well.)
Only recently have we become more aware of these harmful messages plaguing the Church and influencing the next generation of men. As Evans likens Eve’s Creation purpose was to be a sexual companion to Adam, so young men can be led to believe that God created women solely to meet their sexual needs.
This is the world’s narrative. Dressing it up with cherry-picked verses like “wives submit to your husbands” (Ephesians 5:22) and “younger women…be self-controlled and pure” (Titus 2:5) does not a gospel message make.
Surely, Jesus did not have this flippant attitude towards women. In fact, he cared about women to such a degree that he took the extreme route, instructing men: “if your right hand causes you to sin [sexual sin/lust], cut it off…” This was not only for women’s welfare but also for men’s spiritual well being. The Apostle Paul also instructed Timothy, a young, seemingly single man to treat “older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.” – 1 Timothy 5:2
No, young men growing up in the Church. You are stronger than what the culture or the Church says about you. No matter what messages are thrown at you, I pray you will persevere and treat every young woman as a sister and recognize she is worth more. Just as you are worth more.