(My daughter, Emmy)
In this age and culture, it can be terrifying to raise a child. With everything from indoctrination in schools to online brainwashing to the threat of child predators, a mother can be tempted to bubble-wrap their child. As a mother of two daughters, I understand this temptation, but I also understand on a personal level how damaging it is. While my youth was steeped in church services, Sunday school, Awana, family devotions, etc., it wasn’t until I dove into the anti-trafficking movement that I began to process how harmful cyber-sexual experiences infected me beginning at age eleven. I say infected because those experiences continued for well over a decade and will follow me for the rest of my life. This is one reason why I work as a Prevention Speaker for Women At Risk, International; my passion is encouraging parents to train their children with a prevention mindset and for youth to grow up to become confident, respectful, and empowered adults. While I can never recover some of the innocence I had before the world of cybersex, I can give my daughters the tools they need to combat the hyper-sexualized culture where we live. Below are six practical methods for any parent who desires their children to be both safe and smart:
- Tricky people are icky people. This is a good phrase for little ones to memorize. Since my daughter was three, she has known that it’s not just “stranger danger” anymore. Child predators and traffickers lure little children by way of tricky behavior such as offering candy, gifts, or even puppy petting as methods. My little girl knows not to accept any of these and to immediately run away and find her mommy. Authority figures are also common perpetrators and my daughter knows exactly what type of situations to apply her “tricky people” lesson. We also teach “tricky people” for screen-time situations!
- Teach them to fight. Should, God-forbid, a situation ever arises, my daughter is equipped with what to say if someone tries to do anything. One, she must scream: “Fire, Fire, help, help!” – since the word “Fire” grabs more attention than simply “help”. Two, she knows she has my full permission to fight back should a situation ever arise and use her whole body to fight. Gloves off!
- Passwords. Agree on a password, so if someone ever tries to pick up your child from school, a sport, a concert, daycare, a neighbor’s house, or even approaching them from the other side of the park, your child can ask them if they know the password. If the “tricky person” does not know the password, then your child knows not to go with such a person. A child should also be trained not to give out passwords.
- Internet Safety. There is no way to over-stress this. In an age of endless harmful apps like Snapchat to Musical.ly to cyber bullying to sexting, parents need to raise their children to be smart and safe when using the internet. Kids need to be aware of what is healthy and unhealthy. There is no negative to teaching your children too young. If they are ever using the internet, even with filters, they need to be aware of the dangers and how to turn away from harmful content. Good Pictures, Bad Pictures is an excellent resource for this.
- Self-worth and respect. Emphasizing this to young children will also help them regarding #4. Imagine all the bombardment of sexual objectification a little girl will face if she ends up involved in the world of Snapchat. Building her self-worth from a young age is a powerful tool to help her in that battlefield of endless comparison. One thing we have learned from others is standing in front of a mirror. I instruct Emmy to repeat phrases like this: “I am beautiful”, “I am valuable”, “I am priceless”, “I am loved”, “I am a daughter”, etc. Respect is another huge one. When the average age of exposure to pornography is eight years old, respect for others is key in recognizing the inner value and dignity of a human being whether it’s a girl trapped in the brutal world of pornography or a boy who is a victim of playground bullying. When children recognize their own self-worth and hold a high respect for others, it can prompt them into a desire to stand up for others both on and off the screen.
- Conversations. While this one may be taken for granted, there is no better way to build trust with your children than by remaining open to communicating with them. Decide on a safe space where they can speak to you without judgement and retribution. Do not be afraid to talk about uncomfortable topics. It’s far better for them to feel safe with you than feel safer with a pressuring peer or acquaintance on social media.
Despite all the negative reinforcement of our culture and the damaged innocence of my youth, I do not fear the future when it comes to my daughters. No, I am empowered to give them the tools they need to function as strong, healthy young women. Bubble-wrapped naivety will not help them. I don’t want doves. I want serpent-wrapped doves.