Awareness
by Emily Shore

Top Seven Reasons Why I Write SEX

I remember when I wrote my first true, serious sex scene. It was between a young husband and wife on their wedding night at the end of my book series after they’d endured much heartache, struggles, and transformation. I tiptoed around the erotic content and kept it rather PG15, but I’ll never forget how much I loved the scene. How spiritual it was with the buildup of the characters proclaiming their vows, changing both their last names, and even the symbolism of their night with a thunderstorm.
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Something significant to understand is how I swore off writing any sex scenes whatsoever. Sensuality, a little steam, but I always faded to black for sex scenes or repelled them altogether. Now, I write dark fantasy romance. No, I don’t write erotica, but I now embrace erotic content. Why did I swear off writing any sex scenes for so long?
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My reasons: 
  • Background as a #metoo
  • Foundation of knowledge shaped around disgust and loathing of sex and sexuality
  • Religious patriarchs telling me my 14-year-old undeveloped body belonged to my future husband
  • Years-long relationships with online predators plaguing me with cyber-rape,
  • Years of reading rape-like smut to process all of this
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Sexual violence was something I internalized at a very young age as well as a great helping of body shame and self-esteem issues. Though I was introduced to pornography as well, reading smut became my vice even into adulthood and plagued my marriage with extreme content like Fifty Shades and Anne Rice’s Sleeping Beauty Trilogy. And while I have no issues with adults reading content (though I can’t imagine why anyone bothers with Fifty Shades anymore *eye roll*), I am not a fan of works that glorify sexual violence among a host of other issues. Nor does glorifying sexual violence represent the true BDSM community. (And I love the BDSM community). And any Fifty Shades or glorified sexual violence do not belong in the world of teen literature as I’ve written on in other blog posts.
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No one should feel degraded or dehumanized following sex. I also don’t believe sex should be used as a weapon against anyone. Consensual competition perhaps (again BDSM healthy context) but not a weapon. And sadly, the hypersexualized focus on body parts stripped of any sort of intimacy or value for a relationship or even a human being is trending, especially with toxic couples featuring alpha-holes and glorified sexual abuse.
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Still, as a budding romance author, I believe it’s time to pull back the sheets on sexual scenes in fiction and give positive sex its due. Listed below are my reasons for why I write tasteful and beautiful and consensual sex scenes, which can include some light bdsm scenes in my recent series (not in book one.)
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1. It’s Spiritual/Biblical: Now, hear me out, both secular and non: I may not call myself a Christian, nor do I believe all or even most of Scripture is prescriptive, but I still have my faith and spirituality. And I have a newfound love of Song of Songs because despite purity culture’s damage to my beliefs about sex and my sexuality and my body, the Song of Songs is a true celebration of sex between two lovers. In the original Hebrew, would it surprise you to learn this significant book of positive sexuality was even more explicit and erotic? One commentator on my Faith and Feminism page likened it to “A sex manual in the middle of a monastic library.” Seriously! Even sexting isn’t this dirty. The man thrusting his hand through the lover’s lock to find it dripping with oil! My lover is like ivory – ivory being symbolic for horn aka my lover has a huge d***! This is an enamored and empowered couple celebrating their love of their consensual sex. They are bold and passionate about their love and sexual expression. Inspired by this bold and passionate sexual expression, I wrote a similar scene through the framework of an Eros/psyche-like couple involving my protagonist. But I ultimately decided not to share the snippet for the purposes of this blog. The one below is already a major spoiler.
2. It’s Human: Sex and sexuality are human. They are a part of who we are. Transcribing sex onto pages is like turning a mirror to reflect the soul. And to understand how sex is a natural act of human expression. For many years, I suppressed opportunities for positive sexuality. Even in my marriage to a wonderful and loving husband, I couldn’t appreciate the actual act of sex as much due to my background. There was a longing for it in the back of my mind, but the stereotypes about women wanting emotional intimacy more than physical and the opposite for men rang louder. And the hyper-sexualized Fifty Shades culture took my mind in the opposite direction that mirrored my past, challenging me to go to that dark side over and over. In reading and writing. While I thought suppressing any and all exploration was the solution, it was a bandaid. Or more like a chastity belt! It took me a long time and much soul-searching to understand that I, as an enneagram 8, am a body type. I am very visual, I have a great amount of energy, and yes…I love sex. I only discovered how much when I began writing romance and framing erotic scenes with the theme of spiritual, emotional, and sexual intimacy. Soul/heart/body united. I freed my protagonists to love it as well. Yes, Isla from Bride of the Corpse King has healthy boundaries but is sexually enthusiastic and demands respect even when she is seducing others. Excerpt below from Episode 17: Forbidden Fruit…

3. It’s Art: Obviously, there are many horrendous examples of erotica that romanticize abuse and scenes that are far closer to rape than healthy, mutual love. But it takes a great amount of creativity and craft to write beautiful and romantic steamy scenes and sex scenes. Unlike a majority of pornography which is exploitative and violent and appeals to carnal appetites while reducing women to body parts, erotic content can illustrate the beauty of sex and sexuality. And most of all, love and connection. Below is a snippet of a bedroom scene between Isla, main character, and her girlfriend, from Bride of the Corpse King work on Kindle Vella.

 

4. It’s Empowering: For the first time in my life, I’ve been able to reclaim some truly dark personas of my inner psyche from my past. Thanks to writing romance with erotic scenes, I’ve been able to combat purity culture, virginity myths, homophobia, lies about sexuality, and even my own trauma. One of my greatest goals in writing Courting Destruction was to prove to myself I could write enemies-to-lovers without romanticizing abuse. FYI: Nailed it! And then: Nailed it AGAIN with Bride of the Corpse King! Challenging myself to write this trope via fantasy romance, I invite readers into the hearts and relationships of my characters. Whether through characters’ sexually-charged tension and kink-hinting banter, dark humor, erotic wooing, I seek to take my audience on an alluring journey of destruction and romance, trust and betrayal, darkness and intimacy, and above all…empowerment. Excerpt below from Episode 16: “Oh, the Games She Plays!” 

 

5. It’s Relational: I recently wrote a blog post about Why Writing Is Different From Every Other Art. Though I reflected on how the relationship works between author and reader, I didn’t reflect on the depth of this relational experience. Perhaps it’s because my recent fantasy romance works are also #ownvoices. After all, there is a deep vulnerability in sharing my characters, in opening my heart to welcome the reader into the beauty of my vision. Despite how I believed I couldn’t top my first book with a queer feminist protagonist, when you frame sexuality in the realms of not just the physical but also the emotional and spiritual, not to mention the “sky’s the limit” for imagination regarding fantasy genre, I’ve discovered how the layers of intimate scenes and relationships continue to unfold like a fire blossom. And yes, my court of readers adore the love scenes and my husband and I quite enjoy sharing them together…in and out of the bedroom.

6.  It’s Humanizing: Obviously, I mentioned above how dehumanizing my past of religious cult and the romanticized abuse smut impacted me. Both these along with pornography dehumanize females in different ways. Well-written erotic scenes such as I write seek to do the opposite. Reclaiming sex as beautiful and empowering seems like a fairy tale, not based in reality. Considering I have now written several erotic scenes into my newer fantasy romances, I understand this. It was a great challenge to write sex and bring it back to the physical and sexual as well. Of course, my favorite scene was from my unpublished work which involved characters who shared a similar trauma background and had complete trust in one another. Their coupling was both sexual and demisexual. Isla, in Bride of the Corpse King, is far more on the hypersexual side, but she still believes in deep connection and respect.

7. It’s Vulnerable: Now, I don’t mean to sound like a broken record. I’ve already explained how writing romance and sex scenes has been vulnerable for me. But how about vulnerable for the reader? Despite how my books are not simply romance but also dark fantasy, it still requires a willingness to perhaps step outside a comfort zone. Perhaps not, given how romance is the highest selling genre. It pushes boundaries and reveals our inner complexities, especially when you get into the territory of the soul such as I and combatting sexual violence and trauma. I don’t write to merely arouse. I write to provoke, to challenge, to ignite and not just your body but also your heart and soul and mind. And if my book even helps one person reclaim their trauma as it has done for me or takes them on a journey to embrace their sexual identity like it did for me, then it’s all worth it!.
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Transformation is at the heart of any author’s work. In my fantasy romance books, my protagonists transform from past trauma through deeply intimate scenes. Though the process of owning scars and trauma can take time, my characters are able to process their prior trauma and work toward reclamation and healing as I have. And this comes via not only sensuality and connection, emotionally and physically, with others but also by embracing healthy touch for themselves or growing stronger through transformation. Isla will never stop having deep intimate desires. She will never stop growing or leaning into pleasure and pain. As my hidden, unpublished main character (my first #ownvoices book) has trailblazed before her, Isla will test her boundaries and learn to trust. As a strong young woman, she owns her sexual confidence and allows herself to explore the depths of her psyche. And others, of course.
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Accomplishing this in my first unpublished work when the characters are forbidden by blood magic from kissing one another for 99% of the book was the ultimate challenge. Again: nailed it!
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More than ever, I am so hopeful for this new age of awakening. A new sunrise is on the horizon with agents and publishers desiring more queer characters in fantasy, more sex positivity, enthusiastic consent, and positive sexuality. So, I, myself, am truly enthusiastic for my work to reach the upper YA crossover audience because I do believe teenagers need these representations as well as healthy polyamory as I feature in Bride of the Corpse King. It’s time to leave the past of fall-for-your abuser tropes in YA fiction behind. It’s time to welcome a new era of queer protagonists smashing the patriarchy, overcoming trauma, empowering themselves and others, women supporting women, intersectional feminism, alpha males who are not threatened by women’s power, and sweet cinnamon roll boys who show their love and power.

Ultimately, I identify as bisexual, so while Isla is pansexual and loves everybody, I reject all bi-erasure. Perhaps this is one reason I opened Isla’s story as a Hades and Persephone retelling with the main romance as a love triangle between her and two men with her sweet girlfriend on the side (positive polyamory and asexuality as Franzy is gray ace). My unpublished protagonist also has a girlfriend, but the main romance in book one is between her and the prince.
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In conclusion, I hope you will be vulnerable, you will be human, you will relate to the characters and their struggles and flaws and overcoming, you will be empowered, you will fall in love with the beauty of my art, you will find your own humanity, and you will have faith in celebrating the act of sex on pages and the physical, emotional, and spiritual relationships that challenge our presumptions, test our boundaries, transform our understanding of intimacy, and welcome us to read and keep reading and perhaps even to re-read! Thank you for reading Bride of the Corpse King on Kindle Vella. Don’t forget to “thumbs up”, “top fave” my book, and especially “follow”!